Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
