i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
what day is it and did you see me today?
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
