I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Randomize
