She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
