so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
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