Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
