let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
