i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize