just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
