Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
