Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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