Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
why do cheetos always look like penises
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize