I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Randomize
