girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
