I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
