i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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