well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
my nose is crying tears of wow.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
