Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
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