Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
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I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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