Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
