also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
