My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
