ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
