Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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