please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
