a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Randomize
