so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
