it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I can't turn off my feet"
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
