That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
