she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
