3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
