there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize