tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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