I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
