I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Randomize
