im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
3pm strippers are depressing
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
You need Xanax blowdarts
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
