i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Randomize
