I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
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