Just mADE A PArabola og urine
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
