When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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