My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Randomize
