just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
