I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
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