I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
