meet me or not, i'm out of control
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.