it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.