I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
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