My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
