They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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