Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Randomize
