A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
bring money and cleavage
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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