I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
