yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I don't think brook has ever known best
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
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