cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
