Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I'm like, not good at living.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
