Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
