which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
