he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
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You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
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is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
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