we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
