Your face is a jimmy john
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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