she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Randomize
