I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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