So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
