Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
