I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
