so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
