You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
