I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
