dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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